wow, i slack the loads yo. like, im so late and i had this morning to do this but i dont know man. too much on my mind probably. idk but ive been such a sad human lately, what a surprise!(not really) i mean, i asked my parents to give me a therapist i dont think they knew how serious i was being. like, i got school stress, family stress, friends stress. and my family is i dont even know. they stress me out, sometimes i just wanna die or run away, i mean i could run away, ive done it millions of times, lol. but i guess lately theyve been bringing up my REAL dad and i pretty much hate him but hes been tryna call me but i always reject it and they force me to answer his calls but hes rejected me my whole life, i dont get why he thinks im okay to answer him now, he dosent even support me and im literally crying making this blog rn lmfao. but anyway, i guess im just mad that he has never supported my growing up, even with the distance he could try atleast sending some money, or calling me on holidays to greet me, i used to call him and greet him when i was little, i used to wait for him .. thinking hes gonna come see me, but i guess i grew up learning to hate him more and more each day when i finally realized he wont come and see me, and this is basically what i always think of every night now, i know im not the only one that goes through this or feels this way.. but all i want was my father watching me graduate highschool, walk down the aisle when i get married, etc... other than that, theres been a problem in leadership and now im so shame to walk into the room .. or just even existing in that class im ashamed. i know i shouldnt feel awkward in the class, but i do now bc i feel like im doing EVERYTHING wrong. i mean i always feel like i do things wrong, but im dead serious about me not wanting to walk in to a101 bc of how ashamed i am. i even asked my mom to transfer schools lol. i know what im doing is wrong, im tryna run away from my problems, and that isnt an answer but i just feel super ashamed about whats going to happen next, like i think i just ruined someones feelings, and like a bitchy person i am, i actually care about peoples feelings when i see how much it hurts them, ugh. friends .. i dont know anymore. i feel like i betray them sometimes, like i drift from people a lot. and it kinda sucks man. like at pride for ewa, i hung out with a group of friends i havent hung out with in a long time! i missed them all so much man ;( they were my clique in 7th grade hahaha, well yeah, in class i been slacking .. surprise again? not really, i always slack, but this time im not really trying, too much are on my mind during class! i dont know why i cant just push everything outta my mind and put school first, but somehow i only think of the negatives thats going on in my life right now! hahaaha, i gotta get my feelings and life together.
Surprisingly i have a highlight for this week ... my highlight has to be career day! i learned so much, it was a coincidence for me to get a pyschologist because thats actually what i would like to be. id like to help people with their problems when i grow up, only because i feel like ive been though enough that i think i can help people with my own experience. during the 2nd session, had to tell a story, beginning, middle and an end. before i told my story, i had to say that my story was no where near positive and it dosent have an ending to it. the story i talked about was a girl, who was trapped because there were too many negative things around here, and shes struggling to get to the positive side, where everyone can be happy, and i dont wanna go in detail bc i might just wanna cry, i mean im already crying right now bc my dad keeps tryna call me and im like rejecting it lol, but ya. but another highlight is that i got my banquet dress lolk. my lowlight is probably skipping 2 days of school bc now im way back lol.
Lesson learned, dont forget the difference between your & you're.
No comments:
Post a Comment