changing without even trying?

so, i dont know if you all noticed but ive changed a lot lately. and i havent tried changing myself purposely but people are telling me that ive changed. it kinda sucks, because i was just getting better with a few things, and then i just changed to the way things shouldnt be and i really messed a lot of things up. whale, this past week ive been feeling pretty insecure around the nights before i sleep and i just think of all my flaws, its kinda messing me up a little, i dont usually think about how ugly i am very often, i mean i think of them but i havent really cried about them every night but now its becoming a routine, and over thinking has been taking more on my mind than being myself, but its whatevers because during the day i just gotta suck it up and make sure nothings wrong. isnt everyone like that? im not doing a goodjob of trying to act normal but idk, you cant help someone who hates theirself. so as much as i hate my step dads guts, ive been forced to ignore him. its pretty hard tryna avoid someone you live with. he usually gives me advice, or sometimes hes the reason why i need advice from others, i dont know whats up with my relationship between me and my family, like me and my mom, we got into a fight in november about aborting me and oh god ever since that happened things arent the same and ive been starting to hate her a little more each and every day, me and my grandparents, well ive began to disrespect them nowa days  i dont know why, i guess im just frustrated at how my family ended up being, and then me and my step cant have one conversation without a fight or one of us yelling at eachother, so yeah, not only am i ruining my relatioship with my family, but im also ruining my relationship with mr.ing, i mean im not trying to but i guess im just messing up, i dont know how to fix things, im not good at that, im  talented at creating problems, but i dont know how to fix problems. sorry for having such a negative summary, but im pretty sad right now and i have a lot on me, my mom has my phone bc i made a tantrum about how she dosent buy me food lol. but whatevs, im feeling super super insecure right now, i dont really know what to talk about besides everything ive been doing wrong this whole week, or just how ive been being lately, i mean ive always been insecure but now im only focused at the problems ive caused and how messed up ive made my life, i mean i have a long way to go still but it kinda sucks that i already know how messed up i made my life become at this age, and none of you guys could text me saying my life isnt ruined because my grandma reminds me everyday whenever i get too close to my stedad, gosshh so much problems. plus i still miss my ex, like lets all get real here and take the moment to say that we are all still young to know about love and relationships, but i really miss my ex, i mean we kinda did a lot with eachother for just being young at this age, he was kinda the one i looked forward to and the reason to why im always so happy, and i think you could say after the day we broke up A LOT changed. i got a lot more sad, and i keep a lot of sad quotes about love on my camera roll, like i aint the type to even take love serious, like i have never cried over love, NEVER. im gonna say that i consider only dating 3 guys, and after 2 of the breakups ive had with the others i didnt cry, but this recent one really got me, im still tryna recover with things bc right now at this moment hes really happy with his new girl, i mean .. we wouldve been a year and few months and how could he just lose that much feelings for a girl he dosent even talk to that much? goddd, im really frustrated, and i need my phone.

lowlight for this week is definitely upsetting mr.ing this week, i didnt mean to change things between us and just when things get good i seem to find a way to mess up and gosh i dont know.a highlight is korey getting her laptop charger bc now we can get back to oovooing. another highlight is probably track because i havent been going lately but im kinda doing good. um, honestly i love running, i have a passion for running but because of having track EVERYDAY it kinda made my lose my passion for running, track is important and i plan on winning our meet, but sometimes i kinda miss being free to go out with my friends bc i havent  seen them lately, what if they forget about me, i mean they always do, but i just dont wanna be the one person they forget about and they cant rely on me anymore, ya feel?

lesson learned, i dont really know about my lesson learned, like i made problems this whole week, and yes i know i should say ive learned from them but i feel like im only gonna make mistakes again this up coming week only bc of my attitude to things lately and just how i feel the night before school and idk, im really frustrated at how ive made things, i cant function. plus if you follow me on twitter you would see how much ive piled up with all the sad pictures, sad tweets, and i cant help but post them bc it helps me relieve the stress and sadness all built up in me.

khrizzz whats up with ya

helloooo (: sooo, this whole weekend my family decides we gotta spend some family time and like ew lol. like, since when did they ever wanna act like a family!?(x hahaha, makes me laugh. i know for a damn fact, ill make sure my family will be a family and not full of fights.but anyway, i went to polynesian cultural center yesterday and i had so much fun, except we woke up early, and we got there at like 12 and ugh we basically spent the WHOLE day there because we had dinner and we even watched a show till like 10, got home around 11, and because of my insomnia i slept at 3 in the fudging morning, then SADLY we had to wake up early again because we went to all go eat breakfast as a whole family,then we went to pearl harbor and then we went to Cajun King to eat early dinner, then right this moment were going to waikiki to walk down the strip. If were talking bout school stuff then idk, like im kinda off yeno. still off from 2nd & 3rd quarter and i feel like im gonna stay this way this quarter and im afraid i wont get honor roll again, i dont think people understand or anyone understands that it meant a lot for me to get honor roll, im not a very smart person and im not the type of person who would be proud of the things i do, and 1st quarter would probably be the one and only time i will ever feel proud of myself.

my highlight for this week was i guess actually spending time with my family, i mean im not that used to it because we really dont do these kinds of things, we arent all that close but yeah, i guess a lot of our relationships got stronger. a lowlight was not getting to go track this whole week, like ok so on monday idk, i just took a break i guess, and my knees were small kine sore, but i had to be picked up early anyway, then on tuesday i had a doctors appointment, on thursday i went to track and it sucksss because i did soooo bad, i ran super slow and ya ugh why.

lesson learned for this week is .. idk i made so much mistakes this past week, like i have no idea. i created a lot of problems without trying, like ugh. so lesson learned is to be more cautious of what youre doing bc you might create a problem that was never there ya k.n

ITS FINALLY SPRING BREAK!

Ugh, yes! Finally a week off!!! right now im in the middle of editing a youtbe video me and korey made a few months ago, and idk its taking forever to upload on youtube now so might as well start on my bloggg right? Dude i seriously just had to close down to twitter because its distracting me from doing my blog lol. twitter is life dude, like i need twitter. twitter is like my diary, i mean i really dont mind what i tweet and how much i tweet bc i tweet a lot about how i feel, or when i get irritated of someone so i tweet about them. i have no idea dude, but like sometimes i cant tweet about a certain person because they follow me and that just kills my vibe, thanks to twitter for being my best friend hahaha, i mean idk what to talk about, but im ending the quarter with like a 2.8 again, or a 3.0 and i need to get to 3.5 again, im so mad. like ya its my fault for not doing my work, and getting off track, but tbh its hard for me bc idk im sort of dumb so i dont understand anything in math and social studies. but im dead serious about 4th quarter that im gonna actually ser myself to get honor roll again bc nothing made me happier than getting honor roll. it actually meant a lot for me because i didnt know i had that in me, i didnt know i actually could get up to a 3.5 avergae gpa.

Highlight for this week has to be the track meet! i ran 400 and placed 3rd place, kinda sucks but heyyyy thats fine, atleast i placed in the ones that count which is 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place! I even ran the medley, the medley is 100, 100, 200 & 400. Mady started off the race with a 100, then Amaya did the other 100, and Ciello did the 200, and i ended the race with a 400! Thank god we placed in 1st place and that was soo exciting and i was really proud of myself after that bc it actually takes a lot for me to feel proud of myself lol, another highlight was the lunch on wednesday with Laila, Mr.Ing and Korey, we went out to kapolei to eat and we had a lot of laughs on the ride there and the ride back.

Lesson learned is to believe in yourself, at the track meet i kept telling myself that i would lose and i wouldnt place anything, and i thought i might walk during the race and all the negative thoughts kept going through my head. But when i started my race, i put everything aside, and Mr.Ing kept saying to run MY race, and as i ran i only thought of getting to the finish line, i didnt really think of beating anyone, so i placed 3rd, and on medley i placed 1st. ahaha, its actually really amazing with what your mind comes into play.

Bye Guys! Have great spring break! Im going to Maui, cheee!

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Hi guys! ... youre not a guy. youre  HOT CHICK!(X hahahahhaa. okay sorry lol, what a quarter huh? so much things happend, like i cant even keep up. dude this quarter had so much ups & downs! Like idk, but this past quarter i think i grew a strong relationship with a few people, and thats pretty good, but also i lost some people on the way .. dude. I just realized how close it is for graduation, i mean we graduate in about 3 months, i dont know if im ready(x like wat. 3 months maan, WHAT IF I FAIL. lol jk, but im really excited, but i dont even know what highschool to go, what clubs and sports i wanna join, or like what i even plan to be when i grow up .. but ya, gotta start thinking. i mean, i wanna be a lawyer, but i dont have the grades to be a lawyer. ya feel? and stufffys. Other than that, orientation is coming up too. Me & Asia still didnt finish banner, haha so shame. i dont even know what to talk about mannnnn. um i had a great time at track today. I ran a 400, and i placed 3rd place with a time of 1:19, and i guess thats pretty good because mr.ing kept telling that it was fast for me, like at practice my fastest would be around 1:30 and being about 10 seconds faster, thats kinda amazing(x lol. I think i did good for my medley though, that one was a tough race for me because the girl was right on my tail on the last turn and i kept thinking " im totally gonna lose this " but ayyyy, came in 1st place, chyaaah you. other than that, ewa makai won the track meet for 3 years in a row, and today was the day we finally cut them off and took the trophy home, yaaaaa girl. ok so yearbook this quarter was like woow. we got into loads of problems with yearbook man. its so sad, like i was yearbook last year and i guess i shouldve known A LITTLE that we shouldve started yearbook a long time ago, but ayyyy we finished! so this quarter was when me and my ex broke up, we broke up on our 11 months, and like ya im still young and shouldnt care and its not really a realy thing i guess, but idk it kinda hurt me and this last wednesday we couldve made a year, and it kinda sucks but i still stayed happy, like he moved on already because hes a player and he actually didnt give a flying fuck about me but what evsss ya feel?(x ahahh but ok sorry, i was thinking of him again dammit. stoooop khrizz.

my highlight of this quarter was the bond i created with mr.ing. like we had problems last year, between us since i was a dumb bitch. well, becuase of that, we fixed things by having breakfast every morning, and thanks to breakfast every morning we got closer and fixed our relationship! i actually had lots of highlights this quarter but i also had lots of low lights. like my highlights was a lot of laughing involved! i mean i laugh everyday, but i mean the laughs i have like with me and korey, i get more laughs with other people in leadership now but ayyyy, you cant compete with me and koreys inside jokes and funny level, its serious. like were talented at it, no joke dude.

lesson learned, well i learned a lot of things this quarter. like my main thing is to never let anyone stop you from doing what you gotta do, like when me and my ex broke up, i kinda just lost it and i gave up on a lot of things, like doing my work, and just keeping up with my friends, it was like to a point where i began to isolate myself and i just wanted to be alone all the time, and i started a lot of trouble after this happened to, i really dont know, i like seriously lost it. idk i have a lot of lesson learned but it all just comes to this. it all comes to not letting anyone take over you or stop you from doing what you gotta do. like, i even let some fake friends take over me. the ones who talk shit, make rumors, and just start drama with me that i never even get into anymore! woohoo. i let them take over me by making me cry, make me think different, and idk. they made me think things i shouldnt be thinking of, but ehhh whatevers. a last lesosn learned is when things are going good between you and someone, dont throw anything in there. ya feel me? like, dont create problems that dont have to be created yeno? i cant explain it but when things are going good between you and someone try keeping it that way and dont make anything bad happen purposely or not, keep things good and cleaaan(:

You got Spirit?

Monday: Sports Day

Tuesday: Inside Out

Wednesday: Hawaii 

Thursday: Military 

Friday: Team Color

Summary:
I honestly think that spirit week turned out pretty fun! We didnt seem to have any problems, so things went pretty smooth. I mean maybe if more people dressed out, like if the whole school dressed out then that wouldve been better spirit. So there was drama between 8-1 and 8-3 which sucked, i mean like it shouldnt have been a real problem but i could totally understand where it went wrong because of what 8-3 said to 8-1 and all. So ya, kinda messed up but who cares because we all end up becoming as one since were all one team, it was just a week of dressing out idk why 8-1 was all mad, they barely even dressed out, seriously, they are real dumb asses. I gotta shoot them.

Highlight:
My highliught for spirit week was seeing 8-3 come together, i found it really cute! Like they really did have a lot of spirit this week, i mean for penny wars, and canned goods they put in a lot of effort. Even for relay races they all came together as one team, they all cheered off their team mates, and i just really liked how they all supported each other because unlike the other teams, they seemed to not care or have any spirit at all.

New Activity:
A new activity i would want to add for spirit week would probably be a dance off or something, like at relay races, each team made a student come up, next year for spirit week there should be 1 boy and 1 girl from each team, and during recess they have a dance off.

New Dressout:
I would try do Crazy Hair Day! I mean this one is so easy, like seriously just come to school with your hair not combed and then thats perfect lol. I would think EVERYONE should do this day.

Other than that, spirit week ended being good. Something different i really wish we had done was for the whole school to dress out, like spirit week shouldve been a grade to students so they actually dress out.

Week 28

Omfg i just woke up and this is so late, damn. So like yesterday i had a wedding party and like it was so frustrating because everything went wrong, like setting up the tent was hard because it kept raining and the poles wouldnt stick up and then the food didnt even come yet until after all our guests came, then my step dad kept complaining about it, and then while we had problems with the party, we had family problems. Everyone was mad at eachother for a different reason, and we all got into a fight before we started to set up for the party, it sucks because the family got into a huge fight basically for me, and ya.. I think im catching up a little in my classes, i brought up my 2 F's into 2 high D's, yeah its still bad but atleast im imrpoving.. a little? i have no idea, but math is getting better, not the teacher but our homeworks hahahaha. I cant even concentrate right now, im in my room in the closet because my family is fighting in the living room, why cant they shut up. i feel like i shouldnt even exist, like im a big reason to why theyre fighting UGH. shoot me pls. why cant we be a happy familyy i mean, me and my mom are starting to get better, like somewhere around november, me and my mom and my step dad got into a big fight, and since 3 of us changed and everything got really messed up after, we dont even act like a normal family, i just want a break from this family drama and shit, AHHAHAH. i feel like im gonna fail social studies, its sooo hard! i mean, its probably easy if i just did my work, i mean i do my work but i dont understand it!

my highlight of this week was spirit week, i had a lot of fun with seeing the war between all the teams for penny wars haha, and cheer off was fun too! Even relay races, i enjoyed seeing the school cheering and all, like how loud they were was nice to hear because it sounded like everyone liked eachother LOL. Im pretty sure a lot of people enjoyed it too because thats what people was saying on twitter, also when korey announced the winner for spirit week was cool, i actually wanted 8-3 to win so ya hahaha, but on instagram preston posted a picture of 8-3 and his hashtags was #8-1down  #8-1loser #8-1what and he just made unneccesary hashtags that 8-1 upset, and then drama happened and ya LOL.

Lesson learned is to stop thinking about kayejhon(my ex) because he isnt worht it ahhahahahah, like forreals, im officially over him and ya. he took over me, made me feel sad about myself, and i realized he dosent even care so why should i, so ya im done with him because i have other people that actually make me happy. 

Week 27

Heeyyy hey bloggaaahs. how is you? okokokokok, im so late. Well i dont have my laptop right and im on my phoneeee bc im at a sleepover and ya lol. period 1 // math: we have been doing hsa this past week, and surprisingly i passed(x HAHAHA. i passed with a score of 304. how sad, but eh oh well, I PASSED OK. period 2 // leadership: in leadership, we did some things on banner, then i finished my yearbook paage, finally HAHA. period 3 // social studies: in social studies, were doing a story board of the westward expansion, which i am almost done with, and now we have ANOTHER 5 paragraph essay. we keep doing essays omfg, gonna cry. period 4 // english: so were doing an essay also, about banning e cigarettes. we basically been doing writings and all about debating and all, i actually like these kinds of writings because i like to debate since i always speak my mind and all, so this kind of writing is perfect for me.period 5 // pe: for last 2 weeks, we only been playing volleyball, its starting to get boring in pe tho, actually i have no idea, like i get really uncomfortable in pe because the 2 guys who USED TO liek me is in there, so then i dont really wanna participate in anything, but ya knwhateves(x period 6 // science: we learned about the inner and outer planets. it sucks for me bc everytime i have period 6, i keep forgetting my science notebook and we always take notes so ugh. WHY. 

my highlight for this week was basically this whole week! i been really happy this week & its been filled with so much laughter, like at school, afterschool i just laughed a lot this week!(x anthoer  highlight is right now, right now im at a sleepover at keelys house and we just finished swimming, yes at 11PM. We are crazy beasts. a lowlight for me was how i been havin no sleep, these past 2 past weeks i only sleep for about 3-5 hours then i get up and ready for school. whaat a draaag.

lesson learned has to be, get my shit together. i havent even finished my ar, soo disappointed and i still have 2 F's in math and social studies, like omfg shoot me now please.